It's been a long time. Too many thoughts...

Well, I have serious doubts as to whether or not anyone actually reads this, but seeing as how it's been 4 months since I have written anything... I guess I'll try to give those months their due.

Where to start? We sold a home, enjoyed the holidays, spent a 6 week season living with my parents (just Lincoln and I since Luke was still in Nashville), moved into a little apartment upon Luke's return, Lincoln's is 15 months now (and so fun!), I have had a lovely experience with wisdom teeth surgery and another ER trip with a kidney stone, Aldi has finally opened here in the metroplex, we have started building a home (framing began today and the expected completion date is the first week of June), and the list literally goes on and on...

Needless to say, there was little time or energy among those happenings to sit and write. It truly is amazing how God orchestrates all things big and small to get you where you are in the journey. Equally amazing to think about all that lies ahead and that soon we'll be reflecting on today and in awe of how He has added one more piece to the puzzle that makes up our great adventure. It goes completely against my fallen human nature and personality to be at peace with a great deal of unknowns in my life, but I think that is exactly, at least in part, what God is teaching us. We have been reminded so many times in recent months that we have no control, and that He is more than worthy of our trust in every unknown. He knew everything that would occur long before we even knew to worry or wrestle with it, so what good does our futile efforts produce? Aghh sounds so great and is so very difficult to live out. Lord, help us.

One of the things I've been particularly strengthened and encouraged by recently is the fellowship I've enjoyed with my dear friend, Melanie. We have been meeting once a week studying the life of John and discussing Scripture surrounding his life and legacy. The Word has truly rejuvenated, challenged, and prayerfully changed me. It has been such a sweet time to just run through the week's events, our current worries, victories, frustrations and failures especially as wives and mommies. I'm thankful God designed women so relational and life to work so much better done alongside friends. I still long for community, but in this season of life, it has proved to be extremely difficult among a multitude of transitions. I trust a season of stability and remote "normalness" is ahead and community a part.

Another something I can't help but humbly give thanks for is my friend, Mary Rachel. I'm not sure I've ever felt an ease and ability to display raw honesty as I have experienced with this dear friend. The making of our friendship still baffles me and is a regular reminder that in ALL things our great King is working out our ultimate joy and His glory. She is an especially extravagant example of this truth. Yet another beautiful fruit of an extreme valley in my life. Thank you, Lord. Friends really are the bonus of life and such a special representation of God's grace and love for us despite our utter depravity.

I feel like it would be irresponsible of me not to contribute a few thoughts concerning the recent addition to the law of the Land. My opinions are no doubt many as are everyones these days. I am however disappointed at the seeming mindlessness of many of them. Too many it seems have chosen a side based on well... nothing? Perhaps it's what their parents think, what seems to line up with their political bend, or maybe even their religious bend, what fits their needs at the moment regardless of the big picture, or best yet what everyone else seems to think/shout.
One of the things that has especially confused me is that a majority of those I know of that are shouting 'Hooray' at its passing are privately educated and regulary express (in subtle and not so subtle ways) their intellectual superiority. However, if government was never efficient or adequate enough to educate you through their public system, what confirms your stark belief that their work will be fully sufficient in the realm of health care? Perhaps that is my critical sin or plain stupidity revealing its ugly head, but among all of the jargon I've heard and read lately, I just want to come out and ask that simple question. Perhaps someday I'll gather the nerve to ask out loud. haha Either way, Lord, help us.

Sold?

Well, I of course hesitate to even write this, but we have tentatively sold our home again! I realize that is a bold thing to say after having been through this and having it fall through, but we are hopeful this deal is going to go through. Tomorrow is the appraisal and that is the final hurdle to making it official. There is some level of anxiety on that part of both parties concerning the appraisal making, but know that God is sovereign and worthy to be trusted with all facets of our lives including this!
We are not only excited to being selling our home (although we will always hold such a fond place in our hearts for this wonderful home), but we are thrilled to make this deal with the buyers God has sent. I cannot wait to meet them! They have been absolutely gracious and so wonderful throughout our dealings. There are several examples of their obvious hearts for God in our negotiations, but suffice it to say... God is clearly the orchestrator of this deal! They attend the same church as do their realtor, mortgage broker and our realtor... so neat!
As far as where we are headed next? That again is a great question! Praying for God's lead to a home that will bless our family for years to come, and one in which God will be glorified and a legacy of Christ will be left for our children.

11 months of Joy

Our son is just a few short weeks from his 1st big birthday and everyday I'm amazed at the things he's learning. Some things he has been "ahead" in accomplishing, some things "behind" and others just on time. That being said, it's clear no two babies are alike and one of the things I have grieved upon this whole motherhood adventure is constant conversation about what they are doing and when. I can't tell you the number of times I've been asked, "Is he doing this/that?" To which I'm often tempted to answer "no" even if he has been doing that something for weeks just to hear their reaction and/or move on to discussion about what he IS doing or even to discuss the joy of the moment. I guess this is quite a negative attitude toward a question I'm sure is asked very innocently and with sincere intention most often, but I just hate that it sets him on this conditional divide of is he or isn't he. In my heart, the very fact that he is at all is enough.
Every time he accomplishes something new and every developmentally explosive day he has, I find myself rich with joy and immediately thinking of the first person I can share this great news with. That of course 9 times out of 10 being his daddy! So yes, I understand the interest in his development and really appreciate that people care enough to ask, but for whatever reason (most likely just a heart issue of my own to wrinkle out) it just rubs me a little wrong. I guess because our experience has been that people like to ask if he is doing things far beyond his developmental ability, and I just want to look at them and say, "He's 11 months, not 11 years, you seriously think he could do that yet?!"
Okay, now that that rant/confessional is out... let me share with you all what he IS up to lately. I figure it's every mother's immediate right to find some amount of pride in what their genius/perfect precious baby boy is doing at the moment, so bare with me as I exercise my right! This of course being said with the great understanding and humble recognition that both he and I can do all things only because God has granted us that ability and not on any merit of our own.

Mr. Lincoln CAN...
* talk up a storm (pretty much nonstop all day until he gets tired, definitely fell far from the tree on this one!)
* point to something he is interested in
* use sign language for "more" which right now means both more and hungry (this sign and the distinction between the words/meanings are currently in the works)
* sit himself up from a laying position on this belly and back
* pull up and stand for a short amount of time
* crawl towards a desired object to retrieve it (wasn't sure if he would ever crawl or not!)
* clap when excited and/or when he sees others do so
* grab his ear when I say where are Lincoln's ears
* throw/roll back and forth with his balls
* dance with such concentration and intensity at the very first note he hears when music of any kind plays!
* and getting new teeth all the time it seems

Needless to say, I am quite entertained each day and find myself overwhelmed often at the great blessing I am in the midst of to stay home with him and raise and nurture him as his mommy. I completely understand and can sympathize with mothers who out of necessity must work just to provide for their families and grieve all that they miss out on while their children are under someone else's care. I must say though I do not understand the choice to place yourself and your child in that situation. I know the need for adult interaction, the cabin fever fear, the desire for great financial "opportunities" for your family from a 2nd income, etc., but as hard as I try I just can't reconcile any or all of those needs above the mighty weight of motherhood for myself. My intentions in even writing that "out loud" thought process is not meant with judgement and I pray it is not read as so (I have dear friends who make that choice). I am simply expressing my personal conviction and wrestle with the same battle within. It has and will continue to be difficult for us financially, but thanks to the Lord's molding of our hearts, both Luke and I have chosen this road over "things". All thanks and glory belong to Him alone for allowing us this road. And we press on...

Harber was home

What a wonderful 4 days we had! Luke came home from Nashville for a short but fun-filled visit, and it was such a blessing! We had no one come look at our house/slash chaotic last minute house cleanings, Lincoln slept better/longer at night than he ever has and therefore was a super happy boy, Lincoln learned to sit from laying on his tummy, crawl and pull up confidently and the weather was gorgeous. Wow! It's so great when he can come here because Lincoln and I don't have to deal with all the stresses of traveling. and he doesn't have to work at all while he's here... it's great! Anyway, we just had such an ejoyable time and are so thankful for finally getting to reconnect after what seemed like forever. It will be another 3 and 1/2 weeks until he comes home again, but now that we know we can do it and after going through all the craziness of what we have recently, it will seem like a piece of cake!
We are going to take the house off the market soon since activity has all but died after the tax credit rush and the recent extension. It was crazy at first and we had such a great offer, but it obviously wasn't the right timing as it all just fell apart at the last minute. We will try again in January and see what happens. And... we press on...

Rollercoaster and Petting Zoo

Well, I guess that's what I get for speaking up too soon. As much of a "done deal" as we thought it was, it fell apart. House contract fell through as the lady's house didn't appraise for her selling price. This left 3 parties disappointed and thinking about plan B. So we will continue to show our house for awhile and see what happens. If it sells, we will put together a new game plan and if it doesn't, we will take if off for a few months and put it back on in the spring. Wherever God leads, I can only pray we will follow.
On a different note, a friend and I took Lincoln to a Halloween festival today in Flower Mound. I'm not sure I'm ready for the full experience of events such as this. It was quite overwhelming and there were hundreds of kids. It was crazy! But, we only went to visit the animals and petting zoo, and it was well worth it. We held or pet a rabbit, iguana, wallaby (NOT a kangaroo as I was quickly corrected by a kid), goat, deer, duck, and birds. He loved it and therefore the crowd, parking and riding, and onslaught of ridiculous parents was worth it. He wore his jack-o-lantern tshirt and pumkpin top hat. He was precious, and I just adore being his mommy!

Such a good house

So that "stab" at selling our house... worked. In 5 days with a full price offer. Wow. I know putting your house on the market means this is what you want, and it is, but there was a piece of me that thought living here until Luke came home and then putting it on the market again would have been nice, too. We recently finished some pretty intense renovations to get it market ready and it's so nice. I would have liked to enjoy it awhile before letting go. But, that is exactly what God is in the business of...making sure we let go of any and everything that might interfere with how tightly we are holding onto Him. So example number gazillion...no more house.
Many have asked in the last two days... "now what?" Good question. Going to look at some houses tomorrow, but will not settle so unless I walk into the "perfect" one, we will wait. This will at the very least entail moving to my parents through the holidays and moving our things into storage. If no house by the end of the year... off to Nashville we go to crash Luke's tiny studio hotel room.
None of this is really ideal or how I would have imagined in my head, but such is life and we trust in a sovereign God who has a bigger and better plan than we are even capable of imagining. Plus, it sure does add an element of mystery to our every day. Who knows what will happen tomorrow or if there is even a tomorrow? For today, we are grateful. For the 5 years we have spent in this house making it a home through very literal blood, sweat and tears, we are grateful. May it bless the next tenant as much as it has us. And we press on.

Tough Work!

I have recently found comfort in the words I have read on the blogs of other moms. Words of encouragement, wisdom, experience, and just humor. I have also enjoyed keeping up with dear friends by way of the blogoshpere. Having always had a therapuetic enjoyment of writing myself, I figured...why not?!
My first thought for a post is my recent discovery of the major challenges of single parenthood. By God's grace, I am experiencing such challenges only temporarily as Luke trains for his new job with Aldi Foods in the Nashville area. We are about to hit the two month mark on this season of separation, and at times it seems as if it has flown by while other times it feels like forever! Lord willing, we will make it to the six month mark and soon look back on this time as a growing, learning season where God has much work at hand within all of us.
Having a 10 month old son has made this time especially difficult, but visits to see Daddy have made it a little easier. Soon he will come home for a few days, so we are all eagerly anticipated that!
Other unique circumstances have added to the situation recently. Lincoln has developed an infection that won't seem to heal and for some crazy reason we decided to go ahead and take a stab at selling our home. Both of which require extra attention and energy. Needless to say, I am spent! However, I am confident there are joyful things down the road as God prepares us all for the days ahead and with that hope in mind... we press on.
I suppose this is all my very tired brain can come up with at the moment, but I can imagine future postings with include plenty of diversity, emotion, ramblings, and the like. For someone who 9 times out of 10 can't find the car keys in her hand, you'd be surprised at all that wrestles within ;)